


Life For Me

by Anjyil



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Fan Art, Romance, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2017-12-22 16:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anjyil/pseuds/Anjyil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Katniss isn't happy. Its been months since she came back from the Hunger Games and she still hasn't answered her question: Does she love Peeta? Now of days, even though she is dating Gale and they have a son named Jake, she still tries to find the answer. For now, her goals are to try to love Gale more than like a brother and enjoy the time she has left with her son because the capital has a plan for him- and a punishment for her.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Katniss isn't happy. Its been months since she came back from the Hunger Games and she still hasn't answered her question: Does she love Peeta? Now of days, even though she is dating Gale and they have a son named Jake, she still tries to find the answer. For now, her goals are to try to love Gale more than like a brother and enjoy the time she has left with her son because the capital has a plan for him- and a punishment for her.

"Peeta." I see him laying in the stream, hurt. Then things shift. I see him as a kid again, tossing me the burnt bread without looking my way. Shifts. We are in the cave, kissing. Shifts. Running for our lives to the Cornucopia. Shift. Cato threatening to kill Peeta. Shift. Leaving the station with Peeta when we got back from the Games. Shift. Saying goodbye to him. The last time I saw him since we got home. We said goodbye and just left, both hurt.

'No, say something to him. Don't let him leave like that!' I tried screaming but no sound came out and we continued walk away from each other. 'No, no, no, no, no, no…!'

"NO! No, no, no, no!" I screamed.

"Katniss! Wake up!" Gale wakes me up and holds me. "It was just a dream, Catnip. You're ok." He soothes me.

I wipe eyes, realizing I was crying. I take deep breathes, hoping to calm myself. After a few minutes, I pull away from Gale and look up at him.

"Thanks."

"Your welcome. Was it about the Games again?" he asks, pulling me back into his heart and stroking my hair.

"Yeah." I lie. I do have nightmares about my time in The Hunger Games, but this isn't one of those. I never have the heart to tell him when I dream of Peeta. Whether they're dreams or nightmares like what I just. Gale and I have been dating since a couple weeks after I got back from the Games. Believe or not, I don't think of that as a day. That day was like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from.

*Flashback*

I had been back home for 3 weeks now. Gale has to work in the mines now he graduated from school so we could only hunt on Sundays, his day off. He had been acting weird since I came back. I thought it because he thought me and Peeta were a couple, but after I told him, he still acted weird. And happier. I didn't understand why at the time and that makes me angry at myself. Why didn't I see it? If I had understood how he felt at the time then maybe I could have changed things. Maybe I could have prevented all of this from happening. But I didn't. At the time, I couldn't figure it out so I finally asked him about. God, I wish that I didn't.

"I'm in love with you, Katniss…. I have been for a while now." he said, scaring me. Love is such a dangerous thing. It destroyed my friendship with Gale and caused me to now live my lie my whole life.

"I…. love you, too." I told him.

*Flashback Over*

But of course I lied. At least about the way I love him. I've always thought of Gale like my brother. I have never gave any thought about loving him in any other way. I didn't, and still don't, love him like that. But how could I tell him that? I didn't want to hurt him. If I told him I didn't feel the same, he'd probably be uncomfortable around me. And what if he started dating someone else and stayed away from? I couldn't take that. So, to try to hold everything together, I lied to him. So we have been dating for months now. Though, they haven't been easy for us. Crying starts echoing down the hall. Jake's up.

"Here, I'll go take care of Jake. So just relax in here, ok, Catnip?" Gale tells me as he leaves the room to take care of our son. Yes, our son. Like I said, things haven't been easy for us. Actually, things seem downright hard. I never wanted kids, which makes things worse. Don't get me wrong, I love my son, but I regret the night we made him.

*Flashback*

It was 3 weeks after I started dating Gale. We were in my house at the Victors Village. We were just hanging out in my new room. Not really doing anything. In fact, he seemed to have a lot on his mind. Which is why I should of knew things would go wrong if I asked about it. But, again, I didn't know and I asked him anyway.

"Do you really love me, Katniss?" he asked me.

"Of course," I lied again. "Why'd you ask me that?"

"It seems like you're always trying to pretend that we aren't a couple and you seem so upset when I kiss you."

"You're just imagining things." I lied, hating that I'd probably have to do this for the rest of our lives. He was quiet for a few moments, thinking, then he continued .

"I want you to prove that you love me." He told me.

"How?" That was when I started worrying about where he was heading with this.

Then, without any warning, he kissed me and made me lay down on my bed. It has always seemed so creepy, him kissing me, so I never let him do it much. And this is more than just kissing. We were making out. If there was ever a point in my life where I was so naïve, it was then. I thought, since we have never made out before, that that was all he wanted from me. Yep, I was naïve.

Then he started to pull off my shirt and I stopped him right there.

"What are you doing?" I asked him incredulously. Then he look me in the eyes and his reflected pain, from just suspecting that my love is fake, and my hurt felt like it shattered.

"Prove to me that you love me." He told me, though it almost sounded like a beg. Almost. Just like he almost seemed vulnerable. Almost. Which is more than I ever thought that I'd see from him. I mean, Gale? Vulnerable? Begging? That would never happen. Gale always been too strong for that. But I never thought I'd see him this close.

"Ok." I said, silently begging for a way out. So he starting to take my clothes off again, beginning with my shirt and ending with my black lacy panties. Which made me blush because you'd never think that me, Katniss Everdeen, would ever where something like that. Well, I normally don't. My mom gave them to me, wanting to wear them, saying I should dress, little by little, by the very least, like the teens that live in town and not in the Seam. She wanted me to dress better, she said, so I started wearing them, but only because I've been trying to accept things from her more, though I never really imagined that she give me these. Its doesn't matter anymore though. Besides, they're off now.

When all my clothes were off I helped him with his, hesitating when I got to his boxers, but they went off, too. Then he went right to it. No foreplay or anything. He just went inside, which hurt like hell at first, but I felt nothing but pleasure. I still didn't want it to be happening, though. When we were done, I just laid with my head on his chest while he played with my hair, his eyes closed. And I just felt awful for doing that. Especially with him. The things I have to do to keep will always hurt me. I guess that's how things have to be.

A couple weeks later, I went to my mom, worried. My period was a week late and I was feeling sick. That day, she told me I was pregnant and I was scared. I forced myself to tell Gale. I thought he'd be upset, that he'd understand that we don't need this right now. But I was wrong. He was totally ecstatic about it and, for him, I pretended the same. Inside though, I was terrified. I was only 17! I shouldn't be a mom now. To add to it, I never wanted kids. Its not that I don't like kids, its just that I never wanted to bring an innocent child into the world that would have a chance at being in the Hunger Games and, since I'm a victor now, I knew my child would definitely be in it.

When my 3rd month came around, the capital had a mandatory broadcast for the districts to watch and me and Gale watched it at my house, along with my mom, Prim, and Haymitch. President Snow came on the TV and said he had some news. He announced that there wasn't going to be anymore Hunger Games for a while. Said that we will have the 75th Hunger Games the year that we would have had the 87th. He said he wanted to make that one a very special one so he was going to take 12 years or so on it. Gale tensed up next to me and then started to look furious, like he was ready kill someone. Haymitch had a haunted look go over him and my mom started to cry.

"What does this mean?" I asked them. It seemed like the only other person who didn't understand was Prim.

"It means" Haymitch began "That Snow is having an arena special made for your kid to fight in. One that is going take so long to build so they can make it extra deadly and cause it to stop all other Games till that one."

"No!" Gale yelled, then bashed his fist into a lamp and crashed into the wall on the other side of the room.

I was scare, beyond scared. Because of me, of my trick in the arena, my baby will die a painfully death at 12 years old. He will be punished because I lived. I didn't know what to do. I was too scared to even cry. So I just cradled my stomach.

"I love you." I said to it. "And I'm so sorry."

*Flashback Over*

Gale comes in with Jake and sits him on my lap. Jake is 7 months old. I try not to think that I have 11 years and 5 months left with him. I try to enjoy my time with him and waste it worrying. I smile at him and kiss him on his head. He looked up and smiles at me. I truly love my son. But why can't I love his father like I should? And then there is that question that I have been trying to answer since I first came off the train all those months ago. Do I love Peeta?


	2. Chapter 2

Katniss POV:

The 3 of us just finished breakfast. Now I'm stuck in the kitchen, doing dishes. I hate doing dishes, but someone one has to do them. Gale works in the mines all day, 6 days a week, so I'm stuck doing them and various other chores in the house, plus taking care of Jake. Its not easy, but again, someone's got to do them.

"I'm heading to work, Catnip." Gale said from behind me.

I turned around to face him and dried my hands with a dish cloth.

"K, have a good day." In told him right before he kissed me. It lasted only a moment then he pulled back and smiled at me.

"Love you." he said.

"Love you, too." I smiled through my lie once again. As soon as he turned away, I frowned and quickly wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Kissing him still feels so weird to me. Its like kissing my brother, if I had one.

He walked over to Jake and picked him up out of his highchair and kissed him on the head.

"Bye, buddy." Gale said to him and gave him a hug. Jake giggled and smiled up at his dad then got put back in his highchair.

"I'll see you and Mommy later, k?" He told Jake as he left for work. I can't help myself but smile. He loves our son very much. Moments like this remind me that things could be much worse.

I turned back to do the dishes. Ugh. Still more to do. I think it's about time I hired a maid. Maid equals no dishes for me to do so it sounds like a good idea. Lets face it: I'm pretty rich from surviving the Hunger Games, so I can actually afford one. Just another thing to add to my to-do list: Hire a maid.

Jake started banging his fist on his highchair and yowling baby words at me. I headed across the kitchen towards him and picked him up. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and he snuggled into me.

"Wanna go play in your room, Jakie?" I asked him, smiling and heading upstairs.

Peeta POV:

I stared out my kitchen window and into hers. She was doing the dishes until Gale came to kiss her goodbye before he left for the mine. I watched Katniss frown as soon as he turned away and quickly wiped her mouth. She doesn't love him, at least not how he loves her. I've seen numerous other moments like that before. Its what keeps me hoping that I still might have a chance with her. I still love Katniss.

Gale then walked across the room and said goodbye to their son, who I heard they named Jake. Their son. It still seems so odd, so wrong that Katniss has a kid with someone else. Its been hard for me to watch the girl I have loved since we were kids start a family with another guy and not be able to do anything about it. She knows I love her. Now its her turn to make a move, if she wants to.

I watched Gale leave for work and Katniss pick up her son and leave the room. Her son. If she finds out that that she loves me, I would treat her and Jake right. I'd treat him as if he were my own son, despite being Gale's. But that doesn't matter right now. It won't matter unless she figures out that she's in love with me.

Katniss POV:

Its been hours since Gale left for work and I just got Jake to take a nap. I silently put away the toys left from playtime and left the room. I smiled in content. I never knew being a mom could be so… fulfilling. I think I've done a pretty good job so far, too. I've pretty much figured out what to do on my own, except for the few times that I have gone to Hazelle for advice. I haven't gone to my own mom for help though. She's proven to me that she can't take care of prim and me, so how can she help me now?

I sighed. I won't be like her, I won't shut myself down when my son needs me the most. I won't leave my son to defend for himself like she did to me and Prim. I won't- Great, there went my good mood. Just thinking about my mom made things harder.

The door bell rang and echoed through the house, waking Jake up and making him cry. Great. Just great. Oh. I better see who's at the door before I run up to Jake.


	3. Chapter 3

I open the door and see my little sister, Prim, with her school bag. Damn it. How could I forget Prim comes over everyday after school to visit and get help with her homework? I'm so worn out, I guess I forgot.

"Hey, Prim." I smiled at her.

She smiled back at me until she heard Jake crying, then she switched to a frown.

"Did I wake him? I'm so sorry." Her big hazel eyes look up at me, sad.

"Its alright." I yawned. "Just come in come, k?"

I moved out of the doorway to let her in then started toward the stairs to take care of Jake. Halfway there, Prim stops me.

"Katniss, you look exhausted. Let me take care of Jake for a while and just get some sleep."

I wanted to protest but a yawn that escaped my lips reminded me how tired I felt, so I agreed. We both headed upstairs, Prim to the left hallway, me down the middle one. I ended up passing a mirror in the hall. I glanced in it as I passed and stopped myself to take another look. I looked like crap. I had bags under my eyes and my hair was a mess. I definitely needed sleep.

I made my way to my room, but instead of heading to my bed, I headed to my window and sat down on its seat. I stared through my window at Peeta's, lost in thought. About Peeta. Why do I think about him at all? I think about him a lot . When I wake up and go to sleep. When I daydream. When I kiss Gale…. Why can't I stop thinking about him? Why does my heart ache from not seeing him. Why am I like this?

Suddenly, Peeta came to his window. He noticed me instantly and we locked eyes. My heart skipped a beat then sped up. Without meaning to, I started to smile at him and my eyes started to tear up. This was the first time I've seen him in months. Seeing him makes me so happy. He gives me a small smile and I went back to wondering. Everything starts to click in my head and I found that I had my answer, not just for my current question, but for the given to me by my boy with the bread.

"I love you." I whispered as I realized it.

My hand shot to my mouth. I didn't mean to say that out loud. Did he hear me? One glance at his expression told me he did. Of course he did. Our windows are only about 3 feet from each other.

My face turned red as I watched his surprised expression. I turned to leave the window when I heard his answer.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear that." He said and I turned back to look at him.

"After everything that's happened in my life since we said goodbye, You'd still take me? You still love me?" I asked, not believing hit possible.

"I will always love you, no matter what." He answered

"But I'm still with Gale and we have Jake. I … don't understand." I whispered the last part.

"You don't love Gale, I can see that. I don't care that you have a son, Katniss. It doesn't bother me. I love you all the same."

I started to cry then. I couldn't help it. Peeta was so kind, so sweet. And he loves me, despite everything.

"Don't cry, Katniss." He smiled at me.

I wiped my eyes, but tears still flowed.

"Can I come over?" I asked.

"Of course." He answered.

I climbed out the window and onto my roof.

"What are you doing?" He asked with obvious worry.

I hopped onto his roof, climbed through his window, and immediately fell into his arms. He held me tight.

"You could of used the door, you know," He said, holding me tighter.

"Nope. Prim's over watching Jake. I don't want her to know I'm gone. I'm supposed to be taking a nap."

He shakes his head at me.

"So reckless." He muttered, then took a good look at me. "You sure you don't want to rest?"

"I want to sty with you. Please let me stay." I begged.

"OK." He said. We stared into each others' eyes for a moment and we drifted closer to each other till we kissed. It was the best kiss I ever had. Better than our kisses in the past because I know how I truly feel about him. This kiss started soft and sweet, but quickly morphed into something more hungry and passionate. Yes. My favorite kiss. This is the kiss I think about when I Ga-."

I pulled back. I cant do this to Gale. I can't. I can't hurt him like this. I covered my face and cried again. I don't normally cry, no matter what life throws at me, but lately, it feels like life has switched its weapon to a bat and repeatedly beats me with it. I can't help but cry.

"Katniss?" Peeta asked, concerned.

"I can't. I can't do this. I can't hurt Gale like this. Yes, I love you, not him and I don't think I could ever be happy without you, but I can't. I care about him. Gale has been like my big brother since the day we met out in the woods. I'm sorry. I can't do this to him." I explained.

Things were quiet for a while. Finally, he took my hands away from my face, wiped my tears away, and kept both of his hands on each side of my face. We were like that a moment longer before he spoke.

"You can't be happy without me." He stated.

"No." I whispered

"Then don't be without me." he said.

"I just told you-" I started.

"That's not what I meant." He said. "I meant that we could be friends."

Me, friends with the boy with the bread? When we were kids, that probably would have worked, but not anymore. He's become much more than the boy with the bread. He's the man who entered the Hunger Games with me. Who swore to himself that he would protect me no matter what. Who was willing to die for me. He's the man I love. How could a friendship work between us when we mean so much more to each other? But if this is our only chance then we need to take it.

"We can try." I mumbled at last.

We were silent for a while. I'm not even sure for how long. Seconds? Hours? Time kept slipping by until he spoke again.

"Just one last kiss." He asked.

I knew we shouldn't. It was just going to make things harder for us. Harder for us to stay within the boundaries of friendship. But I feel as if I can't say no.

We leaned in closer together and kiss. It felt just like before. I don't know how long we kissed, but when we pulled away, all I wanted to do was kiss him again. But I didn't.

"I should go." I said. "I should sleep now while I can. Jake wakes up a lot at night so I never get much of it."

"Lets hang out tomorrow." I said. "As friends."

"Sounds good. When and where should we meet?"

"My place, around 1 pm? Is that OK?" I hoped it was because its perfect for me. Gale will be at work and, since it'll be Saturday, Prim can watched Jake for me.

"Its perfect. See ya tomorrow, Katniss."

"Yeah, see ya tomorrow." I said climbing through the window.

I went straight to bed after I slipped through my window. I fell asleep thinking of Peeta.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up later to someone stroking my hair. Peeta? But of course its not Peeta.

"Gale." I said and yawned.

"Hey, Catnip." He said, still stroking my hair.

I turned my head to see the clock on my nightstand. And freaked out at the time. Its 11:58 PM.

"Prim!" I quickly sat up.

"She's fine." He said. " I came home about an hour ago and found her and Jake asleep on the couch. I carried both of them to bed. She's in the bedroom next to Jake's. I called your mom and told her that she's staying the night."

I sighed in relief and him a hug.

"Thanks." I said.

"No problem. I guess you needed sleep." He said.

"Yeah." I confirmed. "I didn't get much sleep because of my nightmare last night and I had to take care of Jake all day, so I was exhausted."

He gave me a quick kiss then laid down with me. We laid there for a while before he spoke.

"I'm sorry I can't help with Jake more." He said quietly.

"Its ok-" I began

" No, its not." He said firmly when he interrupted me. "I feel like I'm not doing my part in the parenting. I should be doing more to help you."

"I don't need help." I told him. "Besides, you don't have time to help. You have to work. Which is why you need your sleep! You have work tomorrow."

"I need to make more time for you and Jake." He said, ignoring my last comment. "I'll quit my job at the mines. Its not like we need the money anyway."

"You can't. The Capitol won't allow it." I answered.

"They would if we were married." He countered.

"But were not." I said, becoming uncomfortable.

"But we could be, if you married me." He said.

I sat back up quickly and broke our embrace.

"Are you…uh…" No, no, no, no.

He sat up and held both my hands in his. He met my eyes with his before he spoke.

"Marry me, Katniss." He said in his sweetest voice.

My heart sank. Oh, he said it. But I'm a bit ticked off now for two reasons: For one, the way he asked. He didn't ask , he told me to marry him and thinks he's being sweet. Am I taking this too offensively? Maybe, but I don't like being told what to do. Secondly, he's ruining everything again. For a third time, he's making everything I built around me and my reality that I use to keep going forward crumble down. I know he doesn't know what he's doing to me, but I can't help but be angry at him.

Unfortunately, anger isn't the only thing I'm feeling. Like the other times before, I mostly feel my overwhelming need to do whatever it is to keep him. This feeling upsets me because it means, if I choose to give into the feeling again, I'll have to sacrifice even more for him. I started to cry.

"Katniss?" He asked, not sure if my tears are from joy or if I'm truly upset.

What do I do? Should I give into this feeling and marry him to make him happy or try to deal with the mess of me saying no, of saving myself from this situation?

"I…"


	5. Chapter 5

"I…..no." I answered. "I can't."

I tried to run out of bed, but Gale pulled me back and restrained me from leaving. I kept screaming at him to let me go. He just tightened his grip.

"Why not?" He asked, obviously angry and hurt.

"Gale, that hurts. Stop." I begged through my tears.

"Aren't I good enough for you anymore, Katniss?" He screamed at me then threw me off the bed and my right eye hit the corner of my desk. Prim burst through the door just in time to see me thrown.

"Katniss!" Prim yelled and ran over to me. I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't. Prim shouldn't see me like this.

I was still crying when she helped me up. I look over at Gale and noticed his expression was different. He looked horrified and in disbelief, as if he couldn't believe he had just did that to me.

"Katniss, I-I'm sorry." He said, then got up and headed towards us. Me and Prim backed away towards the door. Gale stopped in his tracks.

"Kat-" He began as we bolted out the door, ran down the hall, and took a right to Jake's room. When we got there, I locked the door.

"Katniss, let me in. I'm sorry." He said, sounding sincere. But I was too scared to let him in. So I picked up sleeping Jake and grabbed his diaper bag. The three of us went out the window and onto the roof. We walked on there till we got to Peeta's roof and slipped through one of his windows. We ended up in his study. We went into the hallway and spotted Peeta, down the hall, getting ready to enter his room.

"Peeta." I called.

He looked down the hall and saw us.

"Katniss?" He called back and walked towards us. Then he flipped the light. He had many emotions on his face from seeing me bruised. Surprised. Concerned. Angry. And one that showed his urge to protect me no matter what.

"What happened?"

"Can we stay here for tonight? Please." I sniffled and Prim sobbed silently next to me.

"Of course." He said and took us into an empty bedroom. Later, once Prim was asleep, I left Jake in the room with her and followed Peeta out. We ended up in another bedroom on the other side of the house. He closed the door behind us and turned to me.

Ok, now what happened?" He asked firmly.

I sighed. I had calmed down and stopped crying, but I was still upset. I didn't wanna tell him about it. I knew I didn't have a choice though. I looked down, ashamed.

"I was my fault. I'm such a selfish person. I-."

I was cut off when he kissed me, the way he did before. My mind went blank till he broke away and held my face in his hands.

"You are the most beautiful, unselfish, amazing women I have ever met so don't think any differently. Especially because of him and I know he has something to do with it. He gave you the black eye and the bruise on your arm." He stated

"Black eye?" I didn't know he gave me a black eye. I raced into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Sure enough, I had a black eye. I also noticed that the bruise on my arm was big and purple. Tears ran down my cheeks and, since I couldn't stop them, I decided to pretend they weren't there.

"He…. Did this to me?" Reality hit me once again, hard.

Peeta opened his mouth- probably to say something mean about Gale- when I placed my hand over his mouth to stop him.

"Don't. Just please let me explain what happened first. Please." I begged.

His eyes softened and I pulled my hand away.

"Ok." He said and took my hand. We went and sat on the bed. I told him what happened. By the time I was done, Peeta's face was red with fury.

"I'll kill that son of a bitch!" He said.

"No, Peeta! This is all my fault. I should have said yes to make him happy. Instead, I said no and hurt him. That's why I said I was selfish. I'm such a terrible person." I covered my face and sobbed. Peeta wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

"This is what he does to you, Katniss. He makes you sacrifice every bit of yourself and make you believe things like that. You? Terrible? Not even close. You are a good hearted person. Its why you have put him first for so long, but now its time to do what right for you and being with him isn't."

"I have to stay with him, for Jake." I said.

"Its not good for him either. To have his mom unhappy and a dad that beats her. And if he can do that to you then he can do it to Jake."

"He would never hurt Jake!"

"Like he'd never hurt you?"

He was right, I knew it, but I didn't want him to be.

"I have to break up with him." I finally said. " I will make myself break up with him. For Jake and myself."

He gave me a quick kiss and just held me.

"From this point on, I promise to you and Jake and never let you be hurt again, especially not by him." He vowed. "You both will be happy, I promise."

He included Jake. He said he'd protect Jake and make him happy too. Oh, Peeta.

I don't know what came over me, but I decide to thank him for his sweetest in a special way. I made love with Peeta for the first time then and it was everything I imagined it would be. Everything was perfect with the world. Or so it seemed.


	6. Chapter 6

Its been a month since my night with Peeta. Since then, I've broken up with Gale and kicked him out. It wasn't easy though. I literally had to call in the Peacekeepers to drag him out. He obviously wasn't happy about it. I'm starting to think he did every that he did to me for control over me. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves me. Its just that he enjoyed controlling me. I can't really explain it. I just know.

I had Prim keep quiet about what Gale did to me and not even tell Mom. I know I gave her another burden to carry, but I don't want people what happened and I'm not ready for Mom to know. I'll tell her someday, but not yet.

I'm on my way to Mom's now, actually, but not to tell her that. This is scarier. I've been puking a lot lately. Especially in the mornings

Peeta thinks I got the stomach virus that's been going around. He's been worried about me so he sent me to my mom's to be sure. I don't think it's a virus, though. My period is late, too, so I think I know what's wrong. I've been through this before. I'm going to my mom's to see if I'm pregnant.

I'm scared. I don't want this to happen again. I don't think I can handle it. I walked into Mom's house.

"Mom?" I called.

She poked her bedroom door

"Katniss?" She asked, surprised. She walked toward me. "You know Prim's at school right?"

"I know. I-I'm here for the same reason as last time, Mom"

Her eyes went wide.

"Your not… again? She couldn't even say the word.

"I don't know." I answered. "That's why I'm hear."

"I heard you broke up with Gale. Who's is it?"

"Lets see if I am first." I told her.

She nodded and went to her medical cabinet. I bought her a bunch of medical supplies when I came back form the Games. A certain type of one has been very useful to me.

Mom pulled out a pregnancy test and silently handed it to e. I went into the bathroom to use it. When I was done, I wait for one of the longest 15 minutes of my life, tied only with the first time I did this. When it was finally ready with the results, I took a deep breath. Remember, blue means I am, pink means I'm not.

I looked down at it. Its….

"Blue." I whispered and put my head in my hands. How do I tell Peeta? He react like Gale did. He saw Jake as something to use to keep me with you, to control me. Peeta's not like that. He'll see this baby as what it is: a helpless life that we have to take care of, have to protect.

But we won't be able to protect it. Like we can't truly protect Jake. The capital is putting all their resources together as it is so he can die in his Hunger Games.. What will they do when they find out that me and Peeta, The Star Crossed Lovers of the 74th Hunger Games, are having a baby together.

Killing a child of one victor? That's pretty much a yearly thing for them. A child of two of the most famous victors alive? It'd been like Christmas to them. I cried into my hands. Oh god, no.

"Katniss?" Mom opened the door. She saw me crying and hesitatingly hugged me. Surprisingly, I let her.

"I-I know I let you down in the past," She began. "but I want to help you through this. If you give me that chance, I promise I won't let you down again."

"Mommy?" I said through my tears.

"Yes, honey?"

I told her everything. That Peeta's the father and all my fears for this child. She just held me and listened. When I was done, she spoke.

"I wish I could tell you that you're being irrational, but your not. The capitol will probably plan something for this child, too, and I don't see how it can be prevented. All I can tell you is that you have your dad's strength so I know you'll make it through."

Just then, Prim came in.

"Mom, I'm here for lunch-." She stopped as she saw the scene before her. "What's going on?"

I sighed and gave her a sad smile.

"Me and Peeta are going to have a baby. I just found out." I told her."

"Are you ok?"

"I'll be fine," I said. "but I have to I have to get home now.

How am I going to tell Peeta?


	7. Chapter 7

Its been a month since my night with Peeta. Since then, I've broken up with Gale and kicked him out. It wasn't easy though. I literally had to call in the Peacekeepers to drag him out. He obviously wasn't happy about it. I'm starting to think he did every that he did to me for control over me. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves me. Its just that he enjoyed controlling me. I can't really explain it. I just know.

I had Prim keep quiet about what Gale did to me and not even tell Mom. I know I gave her another burden to carry, but I don't want people what happened and I'm not ready for Mom to know. I'll tell her someday, but not yet.

I'm on my way to Mom's now, actually, but not to tell her that. This is scarier. I've been puking a lot lately. Especially in the mornings

Peeta thinks I got the stomach virus that's been going around. He's been worried about me so he sent me to my mom's to be sure. I don't think it's a virus, though. My period is late, too, so I think I know what's wrong. I've been through this before. I'm going to my mom's to see if I'm pregnant.

I'm scared. I don't want this to happen again. I don't think I can handle it. I walked into Mom's house.

"Mom?" I called.

She poked her bedroom door

"Katniss?" She asked, surprised. She walked toward me. "You know Prim's at school right?"

"I know. I-I'm here for the same reason as last time, Mom"

Her eyes went wide.

"Your not… again? She couldn't even say the word.

"I don't know." I answered. "That's why I'm hear."

"I heard you broke up with Gale. Who's is it?"

"Lets see if I am first." I told her.

She nodded and went to her medical cabinet. I bought her a bunch of medical supplies when I came back form the Games. A certain type of one has been very useful to me.

Mom pulled out a pregnancy test and silently handed it to e. I went into the bathroom to use it. When I was done, I wait for one of the longest 15 minutes of my life, tied only with the first time I did this. When it was finally ready with the results, I took a deep breath. Remember, blue means I am, pink means I'm not.

I looked down at it. Its….

"Blue." I whispered and put my head in my hands. How do I tell Peeta? He react like Gale did. He saw Jake as something to use to keep me with you, to control me. Peeta's not like that. He'll see this baby as what it is: a helpless life that we have to take care of, have to protect.

But we won't be able to protect it. Like we can't truly protect Jake. The capital is putting all their resources together as it is so he can die in his Hunger Games.. What will they do when they find out that me and Peeta, The Star Crossed Lovers of the 74th Hunger Games, are having a baby together.

Killing a child of one victor? That's pretty much a yearly thing for them. A child of two of the most famous victors alive? It'd been like Christmas to them. I cried into my hands. Oh god, no.

"Katniss?" Mom opened the door. She saw me crying and hesitatingly hugged me. Surprisingly, I let her.

"I-I know I let you down in the past," She began. "but I want to help you through this. If you give me that chance, I promise I won't let you down again."

"Mommy?" I said through my tears.

"Yes, honey?"

I told her everything. That Peeta's the father and all my fears for this child. She just held me and listened. When I was done, she spoke.

"I wish I could tell you that you're being irrational, but your not. The capitol will probably plan something for this child, too, and I don't see how it can be prevented. All I can tell you is that you have your dad's strength so I know you'll make it through."

Just then, Prim came in.

"Mom, I'm here for lunch-." She stopped as she saw the scene before her. "What's going on?"

I sighed and gave her a sad smile.

"Me and Peeta are going to have a baby. I just found out." I told her."

"Are you ok?"

"I'll be fine," I said. "but I have to I have to get home now.

How am I going to tell Peeta?


	8. Chapter 8

I opened Peeta's door and walked in. I promised him I'd have lunch with him once I got back from Mom's. Things have been great between us. He's been good with Jake, too. He's been watching him since I left for Mom's.

I made my way through his house and found him in the kitchen, making lunch. He was making pancakes, my favorite. I could eat them for any meal. Except now. My stomach lurched and I ran do to the bathroom. I kneeled at the toilet and puked. A moment later, Peeta's

gentle hands pulled my hair back and murmured soothing words into my ear.

"Go away." I groaned. I didn't want him to see me that, even with him not knowing the reason for it.

"No, I'm staying here with you." He said, finality in his voice.

I sighed and waited to see if I still need to stick by the toilet.

"Are you ok now?" He asked.

I nodded and he helped me up.

"What did your mom say?"

"That I'm fine. Nothing's wrong with me." I'm still not ready to tell him.

"Really?" He asked, skeptical.

"Yeah, but I have good news." I said, hoping to distract him.

"Good news?" He asked.

"Yep. I made up with my mom today." I smiled at him.

"That's great." He smiled back. "I think you'll be happier without past problems with her hanging over your head."

"Yeah." I said, lost in thought.

We walked out of the bathroom. When we started towards the kitchen, I tugged in his sleeve. He looked back questioningly.

"Can we eat later? I don't think I can handle it just yet."

"Sure." He looked sympathetic.

I took his hand and lead him to the living room. We laid on the couch, me in his arms, till I spoke.

"Peeta? Do you think we could have our own kid someday. Would you want one?" I asked, scared of his answered.

His body tensed before he spoke.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering." I said, snuggling into his chest to hide my face.

"I think…. it's the last thing we need right now," My heart sank. "especially with the Capitol in charge. Maybe someday, if the Capitol is overthrown."

"Someday." I repeated.

"Yeah."

Jake started crying from upstairs just then. Peeta got up and kissed me on my forehead.

"Just relax. I'll go take care of Jake." He went upstairs. As soon as he did, I sat with my knees to my chest and cried.

He doesn't want our baby. He said it's the last thing we need right now. Its my fault. I always cause trouble for people. I guess that's all I am: trouble. Why can't I do something right for once and stop doing things like this to the people I care about.

"Katniss." He reentered the room and rushed to my side. "What's wrong?"

I put my arms on my knees and hid my face in them. I continued to cry. Peeta put his arms around me and rocked us back and forth. I eventually stopped hiding my face in my arms and hid it in his embrace.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" He asked again.

"Its not someday." I mumbled into his chest.

"What?" He asked.

I pulled away from his chest and looked him in the eyes, hoping he'd hear me this time.

"Someday's not today." I cried out.

It took him a moment to understand the "someday" talk, but when he did, his body went tensed and I hid in his arms again. After another moment , his body relaxed itself and went back to rocking us back and forth. When I finally looked up at him, he spoke.

"This is why you've been sick. You've only known about this since you left your mom's, right?"

"Mhmm." I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" He asked, puzzled.

"For this," I put my hand on my still-flat stomach. " and for any other trouble I have or will cause you. I can't seem to do anything right. I-" He kissed me to stop my talking. It was passionate and quick. Then he pulled away to talk.

"I told you already." He began. "Don't talk like that and definitely don't believe it. You don't cause trouble. We are both to blame for this."

He held me tighter. "Everything will be ok, I promise."

"How can you promise that? They're going to kill our baby." I told him about my revelation I had at Mom's house (A/N: From chp 6. Katniss was thinking about what the Capitol has planned for Jake and knew that things will be much worse for the baby).

Peeta's eyes darkened, but he didn't look surprised.

"I won't let them hurt the baby or Jake."

"You say that as if you have a choice, as if you could stop them. When the Capitol wants something done, it gets done. You can't prevent it." I argued. I looked away from his determined look before I continued.

"I don't want you to waste the little time we have with them obsessing over this. I want us to enjoy every moment we have with them together." I started to tear up.

Peeta turned my head by my chin to make me face him.

"It won't be like that." He said softly. " I won't waste any time with them. But I will save them. Just trust me."

I was silent.

"Can we stop talking about it now?"

He sighed.

"Ok." After a moment, he added "You look tired."

I yawned. "I'm always tired."

"Then why don't you take a nap?" He asked.

"I will if you come with me." I answered.

"Then lets go." He said, grabbing my hand and leading me to the stairs.

When we got upstairs, I instantly fell asleep in his arms to him stroking my hair. I felt better than I have in a while.

Peeta POV

I laid there, stroking Katniss's hair while she slept. Over a month ago, I would have loved this, but now, I just feel guilty. I practically just condemned our unborn child to a brutal death from unknowingly helping give it life. I also caused Katniss to worry more. I have caused trouble.

But I can't dwell on it now. I can't change the past. All I can do is save our baby, and Jake, from the Capitol. I don't know how but I will. I won't let them hurt my family.


	9. Chapter 9

**Peeta POV**  
  
I was at Haymitch's to ask him for help for saving Jake and the baby. We were discussing different strategy plans when we heard Katniss screaming. We ran to my house, Haymitch a few paces behind me. When we got there, I saw Gale at the bottom of the stairs dragging Katniss by her hair while she was holding a crying Jake.  
  
"You son of a bitch!" I yelled, pulling into the living room to beat the crap out of him. He will pay for hurting her. For hurting her this time and all other times.  
  
Haymitch POV  
  
Peeta was taking care of Gale, so that left me to calming Katniss down. She was sitting on the first step of the stairs, trying to calm Jake down, but he wouldn't because she was still crying. I know I'm not the most comforting person, but I had to try to calm her down. I walked over and sat next to her.  
  
"Drama has become your middle name, hasn't it, sweetheart?" I asked her.  
  
She launched her self into my arms.  
  
"Mhmm." She mumbled.  
  
I awkwardly wrapped my arms around her. I haven't hugged anyone since I hugged my family goodbye when left for my own games. It felt weird to me, yet oddly nice. It wasn't long till she stopped crying and calmed down. Jake stopped crying as she did and soon fell asleep. From what I could hear, the boys were still fighting in the living room and Katniss was growing more and more worried by the minute.  
  
 **Katniss POV**  
  
I can't take this anymore.  
  
"I'm going to check on them." I said, getting up an repositioned Jake in my arms.  
  
"Are you sure you can stand to see those two fight?" Haymitch asked.  
  
My heart started to ache.  
  
"I don't know but I can't just not see it."  
  
I took a deep breath and headed toward the living room. And wished I hadn't. Peeta was on top of Gale, punching his already bloody face.  
  
"You won't hurt her anymore!" He shouted. "I won't let you!"  
  
"Peeta, stop it!" I screamed.  
  
He looked at me in shock.  
  
"Katniss…."  
  
I ran across the room to them.  
  
"Please, just stop, Peeta. Please." I begged, tears filling my eyes once again.  
  
His expression never changed, but when I repositioned Jake once more to reach a hand out to help Peeta up. He took it and slowly rose from Gale.  
  
Gale groaned and slowly opened his eyes. I think he was unconscious and was just now waking up. I helped him to the couch.  
  
"Haymitch," I began, heading towards him, still in the entry way by the stairs. "Can you put Jake in bed for me?"  
  
"Sure thing, sweetheart." He said, but looked uncomfortable as he took Jake.  
  
I went back towards the guys.  
  
"I'm going to the kitchen to get the First Aid Kit." I told them, heading to the kitchen.  
  
 **Peeta POV**  
  
I followed her into the kitchen, confused and a bit ticked off. I needed answers.  
  
I watched her grab the First Aid Kit out of the cainet. She turned around and saw me. I don't what expression I had on my face, but it was enough to make her grow pale.  
  
"I'm sorry." She said, leaning on the counter for support.  
  
I wanted to hold her, to comfort her that moment, but I put that, and most of my anger aside so I could ask my questions.  
  
"Why protect him?" I asked. "He deserved every bit I gave him and more."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Then why?" I asked again.  
  
"Because I care about him. I don't forgive him, but I care about him. There's reasons he has this control over me: My past with him, are old closeness, even Jake, are reasons that I'm tied to him. He has this control over me and I hate it." She started to cry.  
  
I went over and held her as she cried. Without having the counter to lean on, she started to sink to the floor, so I held her up.  
  
"I hate it." She repeated.  
  
I held her for a while till she sighed.  
  
"Come on." She said, grabbing the First Aid Kit and headed towards the living room. I followed her out.  
  
 **Gale POV**  
  
The house is dead quiet, so of course I heard everything Katniss said to him. I feel bad that I've caused her so much pain and anguish. She is right about one: We are tied to each other. That will never change so she'll never get rid of me.  
  
But I have to change the way I've been acting. I need to control my anger. I can't keep hurting her like this. I will change. For her. And I will get her back. I don't know how, but I will.  
  
I watched Katniss walk back into room with him.  
  
 **Katniss POV**  
  
We were back in the living room. Peeta sat on the recliner while I tended to Gale. I had him keep a clothe to his nose till the bleeding stopped while I cleaned his cuts. When the bleeding stopped, I cleaned the dry blood off his face.  
  
"Think you'll be ok now?" I asked him.  
  
"Yeah, I'll be fine." He said quietly.  
  
"Can you get home ok?"  
  
"Yep." He said, getting up from the couch, wincing.  
  
I looked at him worriedly.  
  
"Let me walk you to the door."  
  
We walked silently walked out of the room to the from door. We paused for a moment, still silent.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said, then left.  
  
Despite everything, I felt bad for him. I shouldn't but I do. I sighed and went back into the living room. And saw Peeta trying to clean a deep cut in his arm. My heart sank. I felt horrible. Even more than before. I was so busy thinking of myself and taking care of Gale that I didn't notice Peeta was hurt.  
  
I hurried over to him and hugged him, being careful of his arm. He held me as I spoke.  
  
"I'm sorry, I should of seen that you were hurt."  
  
"Don't be sorry. I'm fine. I'm just glad your ok." He said, in between kisses.  
  
I still felt bad, but when we broke away, I was able to control myself enough to check his wound.  
  
"You're going to need stitches." I told him, grabbing the medtron out of the kit ( A/N: Its what I'm calling a Capital product that gives instant stitches). I glided it over his cut and watched the stitches appear in place.  
  
"There." I said. "How did you guys get the cuts anyway?"  
  
"Probably when we fell into the TV… or was it when we crashed into the mirror?" He asked himself.  
  
"What?" I look over at the TV, then the mirror, and sure enough, they were totaled. I took deep breathes to calm myself.  
  
"Lets get to sleep." He said, picking me up bridle style. I was too tired to protest. When we got upstairs, he laid me gently on the bed and laid beside me. I laid in his arms with my hands over my stomach, thinking.  
  
"Peeta?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you think Gale would harm our baby?" I asked, not sure if I was being paranoid or not.  
  
His body stiffened.  
  
"I won't let him." He promised.  
  
"I know, but do you think he'd try?" I asked.  
  
He was silent for a minute.  
  
"I don't know." He finally answered.


	10. Chapter 10

Its been two months since Gale tried to kidnap me and Jake. Despite everything, I forgave him once again. I've seen him often since then. I'm not back with him or anything, but I decided to let him see Jake. At first we started with him coming over to see Jake. I stayed in the room to make sure he wouldn't try to take Jake.  
  
Peeta always stayed away to avoid Gale. For me, they have both been trying to tolerate each other, they've been having a little trouble with it. I guess they hate each other that much. Peeta, of course , doesn't trust Gale so he stays in rooms close by, like the kitchen. We mostly stayed in the livingroom.  
  
Now, we go hang out in town or go to Hazelle's. Just the three of us, which Peeta hasn't been too thrilled about, to say the least. Especially because of our baby. I'm three months along now and starting to show.  
  
Which make Peeta all the more protective. Its only natural, especially because Gale might try to hurt our baby. Each day, Gale tries not to look at my belly, but sometimes he does, despite his efforts not to. At the that moment, you can see how he feels from his eyes. Anger. Pain. But even more clearly: Disgust. He's disgusted with me and Peeta's baby for living. Because she represents what we did to give it life.  
  
Those moments only last a second or two, so quick that, at first, I thought I just imagined it. When I finally accepted what I was seeing, I confided in Peeta.  
  
"Its really starting to scare me." I told him.  
  
We were laying down on the couch, me in his arms. His hands were on my belly.  
  
"You should stay away from him." He held me tighter.  
  
"I have to be around him. Jake deserves to have his father in his life and I'm still not comfortable with them alone together."  
  
"How can you trust him around you guy? Especially after what he did to you?"  
  
I snuggled closer to him.  
  
"He said won't do it again. He knows he can't afford to screw up like that again."  
  
"And you believe him?" He asked, a bit angry, though I could tell he was trying to stay calm.  
  
I hid my face in his chest.  
  
"I just want things to be ok." I whispered.  
  
He sat us both up and put me on his lap.  
  
"Things will be ok." He told me, stroking my hair.  
  
That was when we heard Jake crying from upstairs. I got off his lap and stood up.  
  
"I'll take care of Jake."  
  
"No, you should relax." He told me. "I can take care of Jake."  
  
I laughed.  
  
"That's all I do when I'm home. I want to spend some time with him today anyway." I gave him a quick kiss and headed upstairs.  
  
When I got to Jake's room, I picked him up out of his crib. He stopped crying instantly and smiled at me. I ruffled his dark brown hair and kissed him on the forehead.  
  
"Want to play with some toys, Jakie?" I asked him and set him on the floor by his toy chest.  
  
I opened it up and Jake pulled out his favorite toy: his stuffed puppy with the leash- and a bag of blocks. I poured the blocks on the floor and . He stacked them and made a little pyramid of six blocks. His big blue eyes looked up at me, as if seeking approval. I smiled at him.  
  
"Good boy." I told him and kissed him on his head. He giggled.  
  
I started to stare at the window. It was snowing, which is to be expected, since Christmas was next week. It'll be my first Christmas with Peeta. Though, I never imagined it be like this: Us with my son, who's also Gale's, not Peeta's, and are own baby on the way, but it didn't make it a bad thing.  
  
Life has always been difficult for me, especially since my dad died. Things have just been more complicating since the reaping. I put my hand on my little bulge. But I will make it through like I always have. I have to because, the more time that passes, the more people I have to try to protect and be there for.  
  
Jake sprung me from my thoughts when he started crying and repeatedly patted me on my knee. Instead of sitting on the floor, he was now sitting on my lap.  
  
"What's wrong, Jakie?" I asked him. He then scooted off my lap and with his stuffed puppy. He rammed them into his blocks and they flew everywhere. He smiled up at me, once again, for approval. I laughed for him. He just wanted my attention.  
  
"Having fun?" I asked him.  
  
He continued to smile and used his toy box to help him stand up. He has been able to stand for a while now, but he is still a bit wobbly when he tries to walk and often falls. He took his little truck out ant and plopped it on the ground to play with it.  
  
After a moment, I put him on my lap and held him close, thankful for him, despite the drama he came with. I don't know what came over me, but I kept thinking the same thing in my head. My baby. My poor baby boy. I will love you long past your death. That was when Peeta came in.


	11. Chapter 11

How long has Peeta been in the room? I didn't know. He walked over to Jake and me and held us both. He kissed away tear I didn't know I had shed. We were like that till Jake fell asleep in our arms, then I got up, gave him a kiss on his head, and put him in his crib. I stood there and kept smoothing his dark hair back. Peeta came over and wrapped his arms around me , his hands over my stomach.  
  
"You're thinking about it." He stated.  
  
"They want to kill my baby boy." I turned to him. "Of course I'm thinking about. They want to kill him and our baby. They will because of me. If I would have just died in that arena, none of this would have happened."  
  
"Don't you ever say that again." He said strongly, holding me tight. "Never regret living. Never."  
  
He held me close and stroked my hair. He kissed me on my forehead before he spoke.  
  
"I will save them." He promised.  
  
"Don't , just don't bring that up." I begged, pulling away.  
  
"Please."  
  
"Do you really have such little faith in me?" His voice rose.  
  
I winced at his words. My eyes filled with tears that I wouldn't let fall. I refused to break down.  
  
"I don't want you wasting time over this obsession." My voice rose too.  
  
"Its not wasting time if I save them! Do you want them to die?" He yelled.  
  
"Of course I don't! I love them more than anything!" I screamed back.  
  
Our screaming ended up waking Jake. I picked him up and calmed him, then laid him back down to sleep. I turned back to Peeta.  
  
"Saving them requires beating the Capitol. Nobody beats the Capitol and trying will just get you killed.. I can't lose you too." I shook my head and broke down in tears.  
  
He brought me back into his arms and walked us out of the room so we wouldn't wake Jake. We went down the hall to our bedroom. He sat us down on the bed and continued to hold me while I sobbed into his arms. When my sobs quieted, he spoke.  
  
"That won't happen. I won't get killed."  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
We were silent for a while, then he sighed.  
  
"Ok, I won't."  
  
"What?" I asked, surprised.  
  
"I'll enjoy what time we have with them. I won't waste time with plans." He place a hand on my belly and kissed me.  
  
"Thank you." I said, snuggling into him.  
  
We were like that for a while till I feel asleep in his arms, tired from yelling and crying.  
  
 **Peeta POV**  
  
Katniss just fell asleep. I laid her on the bed and pulled the blanket over her. I laid next to her and stroked her hair, lost in thought.  
  
God, I hope she'll forgive me. For deceiving her. For lying to her. I have no intention of stop trying to save our kids. Jake is just as much my son as the new baby will be my child, despite Gale really being his father. I will save Jake and the baby, even if it takes my life, but it won't come to that; I know it won't.  
  
I will keep sneaking over to Haymitch's to discuss plans. I can't do it often; I don't want her to find out. Also, she is right about one thing: I can't waste the time I have with Jake and the baby. I will make plans to save them and spend time with them. Though I can't let Katniss know that I'm still trying to save them; It would just hurt her and make her even more worried. I want her to be happy. That's my top priority. I won't neglect my plans to save our kids, but I will make her happy. I still feel guilty for this.  
  
Surely she'll forgive me when I save them. Right?


	12. Chapter 12

Christmas Eve: Very busy day. Cooking and cleaning needed done. Presents needed put under the tree. Peeta didn't want me to do anything but rest. His been treating me like fragile china even more than usual since our fight a couple days ago. He probably thinks he has to make amends for our fight or something, which he doesn't. As long as he sticks to his promise about him stop wasting time, that he will enjoy the time we have with our kids instead of fighting it, then we're ok.  
  
Though, I do kind of like how Peeta treats me like he is. Its really sweet. But also a bit annoying. Like earlier, he kept insisting that I go up stairs and take a nap while he gets things ready. I wasn't going to do that.  
  
"Peeta, I'm pregnant, not disabled." I gave him a kiss.  
  
He brought me into his arms.  
  
"I know." He said when we broke our kiss. "I just think you need to relax more. Stress isn't good for you two."  
  
He put his hand on my baby bump.  
  
"I know and you're being really sweet, but I want to help get everything ready."  
  
He sigh, then chuckled.  
  
"So stubborn." He smiled.  
  
So now I'm getting everything clean. Peeta's in the kitchen cooking because that's one of his specialties. I'm glad he can cook because he hasn't been letting me lately. That's another time when he get on my nerves when he treats me this way. Overall, I can handle it though.  
  
I just finished sweeping the livingroom. I headed over to the electronic pad on the wall. I looked at the list to see when everybody'll be here:  
  
 _Cinna and Portia with prep teams: 5:30 pm_  
  
 _Effie: 5:30 pm_  
  
 _Haymitch: 5:45 pm_  
  
 _Mom and Prim: 6:30 pm_  
  
 _Peeta's Family: 6:45_  
  
 _Gale and his family: 6:50 pm_  
  
 _Dinner at 7:00_  
  
I looked at the clock. 5:29 pm. I did a quick look through the house and checked on Jake in his playpen I put in the livingroom. When the door bell rang, I hurried to answer it. I opened the door and was greeted by Effie, Cinna, Portia, and the prep teams. I welcomed them in and Portia and the prep teams which went straight to Jake and started playing with him. He seemed to love the attention.  
  
I turned back to Effie and Cinna. I haven't seen them in so long. I did get to talk to Effie on the phone last month though. She wanted to set up a late Victor Tour. We weren't able to have it when we were supposed to because I pregnant with Jake. I had to tell her that I was pregnant again so we still couldn't have the Victory Tour and let her know it was Peeta's this time.  
  
"Oh Katniss!" She said happily when she came in and gave me a hug. "You're glowing! And still look gorgeous!"  
  
"Thanks. Its good to see you, Effie." I gave her a smile.  
  
I looked over to smile at Cinna. He smiled sadly back at me. Sad? Why's he sad? I was about to ask when Effie spoke again.  
  
"Oh, I have the best news for you-"  
  
"I think its best I tell her, Effie." Cinna interrupted.  
  
"But I-"  
  
"You should go meet Jake. He'd love to meet his Aunty Effie." I told her, trying to help Cinna.  
  
"You're right!" She squealed and rushed over to Jake , yelling "Jakie, Aunty Effie's here!"  
  
I turned back to Cinna.  
  
"Ok, so what's the news."  
  
"Can we talk somewhere more private?" He asked.  
  
"Sure." I was getting worried.  
  
I took him upstairs to the study.  
  
"Ok, so what do you want to tell me?"  
  
His face became unreadable.  
  
"The Capital knows about your baby. Effie told President Snow at a special dinner for Hunger Games staff. He told Effie that he wanted you to have the best medical care for when its born, so wants you to stay in the Capital till its born. I don't know what he's really planning. I'm sorry, Katniss."  
  
My legs became weak and Cinna caught me before I fell. He lowered us to the ground. I sobbed in my hands and started to hyperventilate. Cinna put his arms around and tried to calm me.  
  
"I'm supposed have more time with my baby." I kept repeating between sobs. When Cinna finally calmed me down a bit, I spoke.  
  
"Do they just want me?" I asked.  
  
"No, Jake and Peeta, too."  
  
"Can you get Peeta and handle things downstairs for me?  
  
"Of course." He said, then put both hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "Everything's going to be ok, Katniss."  
  
He kissed me on the forehead and left. Please let him be right, please.  
  
I went back to crying as I waited for Peeta.


	13. Chapter 13

**Peeta POV**  
  
I was talking to my brothers, Matthew and Mark, but my mind was on Katniss. Effie said she was talking to Cinna earlier and hasn't seen them since. They've been gone for a while; everyone's already here.  
  
Just then, Cinna entered the room and walked over to me.  
  
"Hey, Peeta. How's it going? I was hoping to get you look at some of my new designs." He said, dragging me out of the room.  
  
When we were alone, he looked back at me.  
  
"This has nothing to do with designs, ok? I need to talk to you."  
  
My heart sank when he told me about the Capitol making us stay with them. Will they kill all of us? Or just Jake and the baby? I became angry. We were supposed to have more time. I started to head back to the livingroom when Cinna stopped me.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"To talk to Haymitch. I can't let this happen."  
  
"Katniss needs you."  
  
I froze.  
  
"She knows?"  
  
"Yes, that's why I came to get you."  
  
"Damn it, why the hell did you tell her?"  
  
"She has the right to know. She's stronger than she looks….remember that when you see her." He went back into the livingroom.  
  
What the hell do I do? Do I go upstairs and comfort Katniss or go get Haymitch to help save Jake and the baby?  
  
 **Katniss POV**  
  
I was still crying. Its been five minutes. Where's Peeta? I need him right now. Just then, Peeta came in. I ran to him and held on to him, as if for dear life.  
  
"Peeta, the Capitol, they-"  
  
"Cinna told me." He put his arms around me. "Everything's going to be ok."  
  
I pulled away and looked up at him.  
  
"You keep saying that, but you don't really know. I don't need you lying to me, Peeta."  
  
"Then what do you need from me?"  
  
I went back into his arms.  
  
"Just stay with me for a while." I whispered.  
  
I knew we had people downstairs that we should be with, but I wasn't ready to tell everyone or pretend that nothings wrong.  
  
"Ok." He answered.  
  
He took us over to the couch and we laid down. I laid my head on his chest. After a bit, my tears slowed. Peeta had been lost in thought till he spoke.  
  
"You know, I think we'll be ok, that we'll come back. I don't think they'll try anything."  
  
"Why wouldn't they?"  
  
"Because they need Jake for their Games and us and the baby to keep the Capitol happy. I don't think they'll try anything yet."  
  
"Lets hope so." I looked at the clock. We've been up her for 15 minutes. I wiped my eyes  
  
"We need to get downstairs for dinner." I told him, sitting up.  
  
"What should we tell them?"  
  
I thought about it for a moment.  
  
"Nothing yet." I answered. "We'll pretend everything's ok so we don't ruin Christmas. We're leaving with Cinna and the others on the 27th; I'll tell Mom and Prim before we leave and have them tell the others. Now, lets go downstairs.'  
  
He put his arm around my waist and we went downstairs.  
  
"Sorry about the wait, guys. We can eat dinner now."  
  
We ate and, surprisingly , it was like a normal family dinner. It definitely wasn't quiet, that's for sure. Rory kept trying to tickle Jake and Posy while they ate. Matt and Mark kept teasing people, mainly Peeta. Karon ( A/N: its what I'm calling Peeta's Mom) was gossiping with Hazelle and my mom. Gale was joking around with the prep teams, mostly Flavius. I talked to Prim most of the time; she was stuck to me like glue. It was great. I wish we could spend as much time as we used to, but since I'm a mom now, soon of two, its obviously not going to happen. Still, the more time, the better.  
  
Overall, Christmas Eve was the best. I almost forgot that we were going to be shipped to the Capital soon. Almost. It loomed over my head for the entire night. Though I did try to enjoy myself and have fun. Who knows when I'll ever have this chance again?  
  
The next day, Christmas, the kids really wanted to open presents as soon as they woke up, especially Gale's brothers, Rory and Vick. We told them that they had to wait after breakfast though. We had my favorite: Pancakes. I was happy that I was able to eat them without feeling sick. After breakfast, we let the kids open their present. Rory and Vick got footballs. Prim got a new dress. Posy got a little Cabbage Patch Kid doll. Peeta and I bought Jake a toy train and more toy cars. Gale made him a rocking horse, which Jake adored. I thought it was sweet of him to make it for Jake and told him and thanked him.  
  
"No problem." He said.  
  
But what bothered me was his eyes, they were too careful. He was trying not to look at my stomach. Was I the only one who noticed it? I stole a glance at Peeta and saw from his expression that he noticed too. It brought back my earlier fears. Would Gale hurt my baby? I pushed the thought aside. For all I know, the Capitol might beat Gale to it so I shouldn't worry what Gale might do yet.  
  
Everyone, except our Capitol guests, went home later in the day. Peeta and I started packing.  
  
 **Gale POV**  
  
I've been out here in the woods since I left Katniss's place. I was sitting on the rock we would meet at when we used to hunt together. I miss those days. Its all my fault that they ended. When Katniss came back from the Games, I was so scared of losing her, that something else would go wrong, that I rushed things between us. I rushed her into a relationship and rushed her into having sex without thinking of the consequences.  
  
Then she told me that she was pregnant with Jake and saw him as another way to keep her with me, to control her. I threw her and hurt her for not marrying me. I tried kidnapping her for not coming back to me. I hate myself for all of it. I put my head in my hands.  
  
And now she's pregnant with--with that thing, his baby. It makes me sick to think about it. To see her like that. It seems so wrong to me for her to be pregnant with a baby that isn't mine, especially with it being his. He did that to the girl I love.  
  
And now she loves that thing she carries. And him. How can so much go wrong in such a little amount of time? I want her and Jake back. Maybe if that thing she carries wasn't around, then she'd come back to me…it gives me ideas.


	14. Chapter 14

**Katniss POV**  
  
Today's the day we leave for the Capitol. I want to scream, cry, hide--anything to not go, but I know none of it would work, so I've been trying to stay calm. We're leaving in half an hour, so I'm heading to Mom's to tell her and Prim. I hope Prim's home from school.  
  
I opened the door to Mom's and hollered for her. She came out of her bedroom.  
  
"Hi, Honey."  
  
"Hey Mom, where's Prim.?" I asked.  
  
"She should be on her way home from school now." She answered.  
  
"Well… I guess I'll just tell you then."  
  
"Tell me what?" She could tell it was bad  
  
Let's go in the living room." I told her.  
  
We sat on the couch in the living room. We were quiet at first.  
  
"So, what do you need to tell me?"  
  
I took a deep breath.  
  
"I have to leave for the Capital today. Peeta and Jake are coming too. The Capital wants me to give birth there." I wouldn't let myself cry.  
  
Mom stared blankly at me.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me right, Mom."  
  
"Katniss…" She whispered.  
  
"I need you to listen to me, ok?"  
  
She continued to stare blankly. I shook her by her shoulders.  
  
"Mom!"  
  
Her eyes snapped up to mine, filled with pain and fear.  
  
"Don't break down, don't leave Prim-"  
  
"I won't-"  
  
"I'm serious. I heard you did ok while I was at the Games. I need you to be like that now." I tried to be strong.  
  
"Ok." She started to tear up.  
  
"Promise me."  
  
"I promise."  
  
The front door opened.  
  
"Mom, I'm home." Prim called.  
  
She walked into the living room and froze. She knew something wasn't right.  
  
"What went wrong now?" She asked.  
  
Her eyes darkened. I haven't seen them like that since I left for the Games. I felt like breaking down, but I kept strong. I told her to come sit on my lap. She protested at first, saying she was too old for that. She's right of course, but I want her sit like this one more time. For all I know, I could be dead soon. I was thankful that my belly didn't take up too much lap space or else Prim couldn't have sat down.  
  
"I'm going away for a while."  
  
"Where?"  
  
I paused then forced myself to say it.  
  
"The Capitol. They think its best to have my baby there for… medical reason. Peeta and Jake are coming with me and we should be back after the baby is born. We're leaving as soon as I get back."  
  
She was silent for a while.  
  
"They're doing it again." She said, angrily, which surprised me. I've never seen her angry before.  
  
"What?" I asked.  
  
"They're taking you away again! They're going to hurt you again!"  
  
"No, Prim," I tried to calm her down. "I'll be fine."  
  
"You won't! You're going to the Capitol! They're bad! I don't need you lying to me again!" She rose from my lap.  
  
"When did I lie to you before?"  
  
"Before the reaping. You said 'Its your first year, Prim. They're not going to pick you.' She mimicked. "And what did they do? They picked me. You taking my place didn't make up for lying to me, it only made things worse." She started to cry, but was still angry.  
  
"I had to try to figure out how to live without you as I watched you fight for your life." She whispered.  
  
"I'm sorry, Prim, but-"  
  
"But nothing. I don't need your lies! I need you to stay with me!" She ran to her room and slammed the door.  
  
Despite my best efforts, I started to cry. I turned to Mom, noticing that she hasn't said a thing, and saw her staring at her hands. I searched the room for a pen and piece of paper. I wrote Prim a note and gave it to Mom. She looked up.  
  
"Please. Give it to Prim when she calms down."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"And could you tell Gale and Ben (A/N: That's the name I'm using for Peeta's dad.) that we're leaving?"  
  
"Sure." She nodded again and, after hesitating for a moment, gave me a hug. I fell into her hug like I did when I was little, like before my dad died.. Then, reluctantly, I broke the hug and left.


	15. Chapter 15

I went home and we all put our luggage on the porch. Or rather, Peeta, Cinna, and Flavius did. The Capitol women felt that it 'wasn't their place' to carry anything. I wanted to help, but Peeta told me to just sit and relax with Effie and the others. I was so annoyed, but I didn't argue; it was of those pick-my-own-battle moments and I decided it wasn't worth fighting about and listened to him.  
  
Haymitch came by with his suitcase, saying that he's decided to come with us. Nobody complained. I, at least, was comforted by the fact the he was coming. I felt safer that he was coming with us. Not that he could do much if the Capitol did decide to kill us, but still…it's Haymitch. He'll do what he can to help us.  
  
The Peacekeepers came and loaded our luggage in the car. Unfortunately, so did Gale. Everybody, except Peeta and I, were in the car. I handed Jake to Venia and Peeta started to help me in. Gale yanked me away from the car and Peeta.  
  
"You're not going to take our son there! Are you trying to get him killed?" He yelled at me.  
  
Peeta pried me away and shouted back.  
  
"Don't you ever lay a hand on her!"  
  
"You can go to hell. This has nothing to do with you."  
  
"It has everything to do with me when it involves Katniss."  
  
"Please, don't fight." I begged.  
  
Gale didn't seem to hear me, but Peeta gave me a look that showed me that he did; he looked so conflicted. He wanted to protect me from Gale, but didn't want to upset me. Oh, Peeta.  
  
I quickly went to the front seat and asked the Peacekeepers to take care of Gale. They dragged him away and new Peacekeepers soon replaced them. We drove to the train station.  
  
"What did he mean about Jake getting killed?" Effie asked on the way.  
  
"Yeah, is he crazy?" Octavia asked.  
  
Guiltily, I lied and said that he was crazy. I didn't know what else to tell them and I couldn't let them know the truth. Effie and the prep teams have been out of the loop for so long and I think its best that it stays that way.  
  
When we got to the station, we got on the train that took us to the Capital last time. I looked out the window and watched my home disappear behind us, feeling, once again, as if it's the last time I'll see it.  
  
 **Prim POV**  
  
I stayed in my room for hours and wouldn't even let Mom in. I've been sitting on the bed that Katniss and I used to share and hugged Buttercup. Mom tried to coax me out for the 8th time today.  
  
"Come on, honey, dinner's ready."  
  
"I'm not coming out." I said once again.  
  
She sighed.  
  
"Then will you eat in there? Please?"  
  
"…Fine…"  
  
I opened the door and took the plate from Mom.  
  
"One more thing." She reached into the pocket of her apron and brought out a folded piece of paper.  
  
"It's from Katniss." She told me, giving it to me.  
  
I closed my door and sat down on my bed to read it:  
  
 _Prim,_  
  
 _I'm so sorry. All I ever wanted to do was protect you. You reminded me today that I haven't done a very good job of it. No matter how hard I try, you kept getting hurt and it's the Capital's doing. Daddy died because the Capitol forced him to work in the mines. I couldn't protect you, or Mom, from it. That was the first time I failed you._  
  
 _The second time was at the reaping. I was so certain that you wouldn't be picked, so certain that you were safe, that I didn't even bother to worry about you. That was my mistake, but I truly failed you earlier that day. Gale said we should grab you, Mom, and his family and runaway, live out in the woods. We both had a bad feeling and we thought it was because one of us would be chosen. I never dream it would be you. I told Gale no, that we should stay. That was the moment I failed you a second time._  
  
 _Now, I've failed you again. I knew the consequences of me having kids and , though I didn't try for Jake or the new baby, I didn't prevent them either. Now, the Capital has plans for me and my kids, even Peeta. And while we are gone to face them, you suffer at home alone once again. You did the same when I was in the Games, didn't you? But I don't regret my kids or taking your place in the Games. Those are things I would never change._  
  
 _Prim, I don't know if I'll be back this time, but please listen to me. You remember our song, right? The Meadow song? I used to sing it to you to chase your nightmares away. Whenever you're sad and miss me, I want you to sing it. It'll be like a part of me there with you, I promised. I know you think I lie to you, but please, listen to me now. It should make you feel better._  
  
 _Love you always,_  
  
 _Katniss_  
  
I stared at the paper and hugged it to my chest. I feel really bad how I acted to Katniss now. I tried to shake that feeling off. Katniss didn't write that to make me feel bad, she wrote it to comfort me and help me understand. I went to sit it on the stand next to my food when it fell to the floor. I noticed writing on the back and read it:  
  
 _P.S,_  
  
 _Here's the phone numbers to call me if you ever need to talk. I hope you call._  
  
 _Train Phone Number: 419-854-5926_  
  
 _Capital House Number: 623-984-6132_  
  
I put it back on my stand.  
  
"Deep in the meadow, under the willow…" I sang myself to sleep.


End file.
